Lord
Synonyms Lord

Lord

Highness

Honour

Jehovah

Lady

Lordship

Majesty

Providence

milady
Examples of use word Lord Example 1Three men died in a car accident and
met
Jesus himself at the Pearly Gates.
The
Lord (synonyms of word Lord above) spoke unto
them saying, "I will ask you each a simple
question. If you tell the
truth I will allow you into heaven, but if you
lie....Hell is
waiting for you.
To the first man the
Lord (synonyms of word Lord above) asked, "How many times
did you cheat on your
wife?" The first man replied, "Lord, I was a
good husband. I never
cheated on my wife." The
Lord (synonyms of word Lord above) replied, "Very
good! Not only will I
allow you in, but for being faithful to your
wife I will give you a huge
mansion and a limo for your
transportation.
To the second man the
Lord (synonyms of word Lord above) asked, "How many times did you
cheat on
your wife?" The second man replied, "Lord, I cheated on my
wife twice."
The
Lord (synonyms of word Lord above) replied, "I will allow you to come in, but for
your
unfaithfulness, you will get a four- bedroom house and a BMW.
To the third man the
Lord (synonyms of word Lord above) asked, "So, how many times did y
ou cheat on
your wife?" The third man replied, "Lord, I cheated on
my wife about
8 times." The
Lord (synonyms of word Lord above) replied, "I will allow you to come
in, but for
your unfaithfulness, you will get a one-room apartment,
and a Yugo for
your transportation.
A couple hours later
the second and third men saw the first man crying
his eyes out. "Why
are you crying?" the two men asked. "You got the
mansion and limo!"
The first man replied, "I'm crying because I saw
my wife a little
while ago, and she was riding a skateboard!"
Read more about this joke.Example 2A little boy
wanted $100 badly and prayed for
two weeks but nothing happened. Then he
decided to write a letter
to the
Lord (synonyms of word Lord above) requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities
received the letter addressed to the Lord,
USA, they decided to send it
to President Clinton. The President was so
impressed, touched, and
amused that he instructed his secretary to send
the little boy a
$5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money
to a little
boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to
write a
thank-you note to the Lord. It said:
Dear
Lord,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that
for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as
usual,
those jerks deducted $95.
Read more about this joke.Example 3Old Mrs.
Watkins awoke one spring morning
to find that the river had flooded the
entire first floor of her
house. Looking out of her window, she saw
that the water was still
rising.
Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation
to row to
safety with them. "No, thank you," Mrs. Watkins replied.
"The
Lord (synonyms of word Lord above) will
provide." The men shrugged and rowed on.
By
evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the
roof for safety. She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered
to pick her up. "Don't trouble yourself," she told him. "The
Lord (synonyms of word Lord above)
will provide."
Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge
atop the chimney. When a
Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she
waved it on, shouting, "The
Lord will provide."
So the boat
left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.
Dripping wet and
thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates
and demande
d to speak to God. "What happened?" she cried.
"For cryin' out
loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats!"
Read more about this joke.Example 4Little
Mary was not the best
student in Sunday School. Usually she slept
through the class. One
day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
"Tell me,
Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny,
an altruistic boy seated in the
chair behind her, took a pin and
jabbed her in the rear. "God
Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher
said, "Very good," and Mary fell
back asleep.
A while later the
teacher asked Mary, "Who is our
Lord (synonyms of word Lord above) and Savior,"
but Mary didn't
even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to
the rescue,
and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary, and
the teacher
said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep.
Then the teacher asked
Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to
Adam after she had her
twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her
with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that
damn th
ing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
Read more about this joke.